Where to start? November 19th 2010 my cousin was murdered while driving his cab. His life cut short by a crack whore who did not even rob him. We may never know why she did it and I don't know if I would like her answer anyway. What I do know is that I never want to hear that heart wrenching sob/scream come from my Mom again when she received the news. Brian who somewhere along the way picked up the nickname Bubba was like a son to my Mom. He and I were only a year apart, of my cousins he and I were probably the closest. He lived with us for awhile and we fought for dominance with him being the youngest in his family and me being the oldest and suddenly he thinks he is my big brother. Well he was....he was the closest I will ever come to having a brother. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't want to see her, his murderer punished to the full extent. I don't think anyone can truly understand how deep the loss of a loved one by the hands of another can truly be felt until you actually feel it. I would not wish that on anyone. I work in Law Enforcement and I see the worst of the worst and read the reports and you feel so bad for the families but until you become one of those families you cant truly understand how much it truly hurts. Anyone who knows me can tell you I am not much of a crier. I cry when a loved one passes, I cry when an animal dies, I cry at my favorite movie and I cried the first time my heart was broken, but I was wracked with sobs that I couldn't stop when I walked into that church and saw that small urn that was once my 6'4 cousin. The sobs hit again the moment I saw the huge line of cabs that drove to the church to honor my cousin, again when they showed pictures of him growing up and the five oldest cousins together. Then my sobs turned to anger.
I was going to apologize to anyone in the family who might read this but NO I will not apologize for my feelings and my beliefs. If you do not like what I am about to say then that's YOUR issue. My sobs turned to anger when his Mother stood up there and tried to play the part of the grieving mother. She was never there for him or his sisters, her world revolves around who she can get money from. Yes I am sure there was some genuine hurt at the loss but every time you turn around she is STILL trying to get money from people because of her son. She is a gold digging whore who stood up there and lied to everyone. There was anger for the unkind, heartless, and inappropriate words spoken by someone else. Who cares if you think he is in hell because he didn't do what YOU think was necessary. It was NOT the place or the time. You believe what you want but don't tell US what to believe.
Through all the tears and the anger the one person who would have understood where I am coming from, who held me when our Grandfather passed away even when I didn't want to be held, the one besides my sister who always had my back is the one who I couldn't protect, whose back I wasn't able to have. The one my heart breaks for. I love you Bubba and I miss you every day. Your sisters miss you every second of every minute of every day. You will NEVER be forgotten.
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